When do you throw in the towel? What to do when it’s not working?
Teams and workplaces are full of complicated, messy relationships.
There. I said it.
And, sometimes, it doesn’t work out.
I said that, too.
Sometimes, I hear the fatigue and exhaustion in a leader’s voice when they feel like they’ve tried everything and they simply cannot influence someone on their team to change how they are interacting with their colleagues, approaching their work, or communicating with clients or customers. The leader is worn out from practicing all their best interpersonal skills, giving this person chance after chance, trying to do the right thing to bring them along. Often, they are expending more energy trying to fix a situation than the team member is demonstrating in their ordinary work day. It’s just not working.
Sometimes, especially in leadership, we have an odd relationship with perseverance, and we strain and push ourselves toward an imaginary finish line to win. We strive and stretch and lean in towards a proverbial breaking point. We don’t want to be quitters. We don’t want to give up.
And staying the course isn’t a totally terrible notion. There are times when our goal is within reach, or just around the corner, and giving up isn’t the right thing to do. Hanging tough can be good advice for many things in leadership and in life, but when is it time to say, “enough?”
Reasonable time frame. How long has this situation been going on? What’s a reasonable timeframe to expect a shift or change? I cannot give you a magic formula for this because there are too many variables, but consider the notion of the initial 90 days of someone’s initial employment. Some research suggests that the first 90 days is critical in determining the success of an individual beginning a new job, so that’s the time we want to make sure we are setting someone up for success. It’s not a random number; it’s a generally accepted reasonable time frame to see about fit. What sort of change are you asking for? How complicated or complex are the changes? What feels reasonable to you based on your knowledge of the job, the business, and the potential obstacles for change. If you’ve moved past the reasonable time frame expiration date, then it might be time to move on.
Demonstrated behaviors. In general, people show you who they are and what they want. This is not to say that people can’t turn around performance or recalibrate to get back on track. What it does mean is that you cannot wish or want someone to make changes more than they are willing to demonstrate committed behaviors for that change. Going home exhausted from another day’s efforts to imagine they will just magically change overnight isn’t a strategy! What actions and efforts are they demonstrating that show a commitment to making the change? If you have set them up to succeed in making the changes by asking for what you want with clarity and specificity, and they are still not moving towards that by showing you, chances are they are not going to. In fact, you are enabling them to continue along the path they are currently on by your persistence in permission. Give them the dignity of their own consequences.
Risks and losses.
Trust your gut.
Here's a radical notion: let go.
Does this sound all too familiar to you? Unable to determine your next move, or unsure of how to proceed? I can help.
