*Fearless and Fair Communication* (*Comunicación Valiente y Justa*) Leadership Training with Peñafiel Grupo in Tehuacàn, Mexico, October 2023.

Photos: Left to right, defining “genuineness” or “autenticidad,” touring the plant with the safety mascot, examining the four core dimensions of trust, and me (in the middle) with master trainers David and Trini.

Recently, I had a pinnacle work experience. That’s a pretty lofty start, but it’s true. For my nineteen years in business, my unapologetic, primary commitment has been to support individuals and organizations “changing the world one conversation at a time.”

Hosted by my client Peñafiel Grupo in Tehuacàn as fifty leaders and managers worked for two days in the Fearless and Fair Communication (Comunicación Valiente y Justa) class, I got to experience my own dream come true. It was as if the thousands of people I’ve taught, coached, and worked alongside were also standing there in the room with all of us, committed to our work, looking for practical solutions, and hoping that, indeed, our actions, our words, might create positive change. I’m not sure why it had such a profound impact on me, but I took notice and was grateful.

The truth is sometimes, in courageous conversations about things that matter, the situation can get worse before it gets better. The messy, unpredictable nature of moving toward, instead of away from, the topics and situations we need to uncover and discover in our lives is risky. The truth is it could get worse. This is why, when we teach these classes, facilitate the role-plays, and ask people to be honest in their practice, we also ask them not to underestimate the simplicity of what we are doing. Not to be deceived by the seemingly common-sense, low-tech ways we ask them to show up, speak, and listen. It just sounds so easy that some want to dismiss it.

While I write this, the Pacific Northwest region of the U.S. is entering what we call the dark months. The sun is lazy to rise and quick to set with its narrow arc across the sky. The shadows are long and golden for brief moments, and we feel the urge to burrow, or nestle, or hunker down. It’s the perfect time for reflection and assessment. It is the perfect time to prepare and plan for that horizon ahead.

If that horizon for you invites a courageous conversation, it’s a good idea to show up ready. The good work of changing the world one conversation at a time is really about you choosing the ones that are yours to have and only yours to have and embodying your voice with integrity and purpose. Now is a good time to get ready for what’s to come.

Do the work of your own clarity: conversations go wrong when we are unprepared. This is a paradox because I just said that these conversations are unpredictable. What’s not unpredictable, if you’re prepared, is that you’re clear on your intention, what you want, and where you need to get curious. And you might as well translate what you don’t want into what you do because if you go in with guns blazing (oh, how I hate the metaphors of war), you will invite defensiveness, no matter what.

Know the signs. When we have emotionally charged conversations, we can race past the subtle changes that occur at the moment in time. What does it look like for you to move closer to your intention of a new shared goal, a win-win, an understanding, or a commitment? If you’re so focused on your delivery that you cannot see their response, you’ll miss it. And you’ll miss the opportunity to recognize progress toward change.

Be honest and transparent about your intentions. Be vulnerable. Share why you want what you want, and don’t delegate that elsewhere, i.e., try to abdicate the leverage by saying someone else (or some other entity) wants this thing and you’re just the messenger. Why do you want it? What does it mean to you? And not just about the outcome or transaction but about the whole big picture, including the relationships and the people in them.

Listen at least as much as you talk. You must stop talking, even if you started the conversation. You must allow air, space, and silence to enter the container of the conversation. It’s uncomfortable. It’s uneasy. It’s hard. And yes, everyone says we must listen more, but most people I meet think it’s a good idea, but they don’t actually watch themselves do it. Literally, close your lips and be present. What happens in the space of responding, listening, and being together in the question? It might surprise you.

Speaking of surprise, that’s the real magic. Be willing to be surprised. Be willing to be surprised by your own voice, your own discovery, your own place in this changing, evolving world. But mostly, be willing to show up ready.

Read all the articles in this series!

Telling All the Truth: A Series

Telling All the Truth Series 2 | People Can Change

Telling All the Truth Series 3 | Mending What’s Broken

Telling All the Truth Series 4 | Performance: You’re Doing it Wrong

Telling All the Truth Series 5 | Culture Change: What’s the Buzz?’

Telling All the Truth Series 6 | The Myths of Vision and Mission

Telling All the Truth Series 7 | The Myth of Sales as Numero Uno

Learn more about the topics discussed in the Telling All the Truth Series…

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